Hey there, Gals and Guys. How are you? Me? Fine and dandy, thank you! 🙂 Though, I must admit that I have a topic on my mind that vexes me and, well, I kinda want to get my two cents about it out there. So, where shall I begin? I mean, after all, you aren’t reading this obscure blog for health benefits, now are you? Hahaha.
August of 2017 will mark four years since I became a divorced. In those four proceeding years, I have dated A LOT. I have had a two and a half year relationship (on and off) that culminated in engagement and ended with the engagement being called off. I have dated my fair share of unique women, amazing women, bad women, and “what the fuck was I thinking” women. I have been in every situation imaginable and have had just about every circumstance in those endeavors come up. Some of these ladies were amazing ladies and I wasn’t mature enough or healed enough to maintain a relationship with them. Other ladies were lessons about myself or about life that I needed to learn. In any event, there is always a constant in terms of dating. One that I very much believe to be tantamount to happiness and to the success of the relationship, yet we often take it for granted. What is this magical elixir that can effectively hold relationships together? What is this magical thingy-ma-bob?
Yup, you read that right. Time. The very thing that relationship thrive off of in order to grow and become enriched. The one thing that is precious and fleeting, yet we all have an abundance of it. It’s peculiar that a man-made measurement such as “time” can mean so much to us, but that be the very reason why it means so much; because it’s man-made. It is intangible, so to speak. That is to say, we can’t ever put our hands on it and possess it. While you can measure it, observe it, and even relegate it… you know that once it’s gone, it’s never to be seen again. It’s one of the few things you have infinite amounts of, yet spending it seems to cost more and more each time.
And yet, dating in this modern day and age seems to almost usurp time’s intrinsic value and makes it obscure. Neither important nor valuable. People waste one another’s time with wanton abandon. It’s funny how, in our lives time is such an expensive thing to misuse, yet when we have free moments of it, we are all too willing to take others time and attention at the behest of entertainment for us. Ironic and sad, this plight. That we dare not waste any of our time unless it is solely for our own gain. We refuse to message someone because we have (in our minds) much more important things to do than to take the 30 seconds it takes to text someone back. And then, in the very same breath, we will knowingly “ghost” someone or make excuses as to why we couldn’t connect with them. And then, we become shocked when the person is upset at us for wasting their time. Certainly, if they had wasted our time, we’d be just as mad at them.
And the game goes on and on. Never to end until we stop being selfish with time and realize that EVERYONE has the same amount of time in a given day. Some are better are using the time than others. Some down right suck at it. I guess what I am trying to say it (this became a rant, my apologies), don’t date unless you know the value of your time is ALWAYS EQUAL to the value of the other person’s time. Take the time to respond to someone. To send a kind text, to ask how they are, or to explain that you aren’t ignoring them… that you’re simply caught up in what you’re doing. Dating has become a very impersonal, “what can you do for me” venture when it should be about trying to understand and learn and getting to know someone. That in itself requires a lot more of that precious time than most normal things do. If you aren’t willing to give out an equal swatch of time that you expect in return, then don’t date.
This perspective is coming from a guy who puts his heart, his mind, and his time in to someone to get to know her, show her she has worth, and to build something meaningful beyond wasting time. I know, I know… no one likes having to look at themselves and reevaluate what they are doing, but I’m telling you; if you don’t have the time to “waste”, you shouldn’t be dating.
That’s all I got. I’m really too tired to make this any more coherent (if it even is), so take care.